Stress and mental load: finding calm in everyday life

Mental load: what are we talking about?

Mental load is the invisible work of organising and anticipating: thinking of tasks, planning them, checking they are done, remembering dates, paperwork, shopping, birthdays. Even when someone else carries out a task, the person who has to remember it carries the load.

It affects both work and personal life, and it adds up. It is often unevenly shared within households and still weighs heavily on women.

A certain amount of stress is part of life: it is the body's normal reaction to a demanding situation, and it helps us rise to it. The problem comes when stress becomes constant and there is no time left to recover.

Signs your mental load is too heavy

Body and mind often send signals before we notice. Watch out for:

• tiredness that will not go away, even after a night's sleep;
• trouble falling asleep because your to-do list keeps running through your head;
• unusual irritability, snapping over small things;
• forgetfulness and difficulty concentrating;
• feeling you can never stop, or never enjoy a rest without feeling guilty;
• physical tension: neck, shoulders, clenched jaw, headaches.

These signs are not specific and can have other causes. If they last, talk to your GP.

How can you reduce your mental load?

It is not about doing more, but about thinking differently. Here is what works for me and for many people around me.

Empty your head onto paper

One single list, in one place (a notebook or an app), rather than sticky notes everywhere. What is written down no longer needs to be remembered.

Really prioritise

Each morning, choose three important things to do that day. Anything else is a bonus. You cannot do everything, and that is not a failure.

Share, not just delegate

Dividing up household tasks is good. Handing over the responsibility for remembering them is better. For example: "you take care of the children's medical appointments from start to finish", not "can you book the appointment I wrote down for you?".

Accept "good enough"

A simple meal, a home that is not perfectly tidy, a shorter email: nobody will hold it against you, and you will save energy.

Learn to say no

Every "yes" to a new request is a "no" to a moment of rest. You are allowed to take time to think before agreeing.

How to manage stress day to day: my little rituals

Finding calm does not necessarily take much time. It is often small, repeated rituals that do you good.

• Breathe slowly. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, then out gently through your mouth for a count of six. A few minutes is enough for a real break.
• Move every day. A walk, ideally outdoors in daylight, helps you feel better and release tension.
• Turn off notifications at certain times of day, and put your phone away from you in the evening.
• Take a real lunch break, away from the screen.
• Treat yourself to a gentle moment: a hot herbal tea sipped slowly, an unhurried shower, a few pages of a book.
• Stay connected: a call to a friend, time with a loved one. Talking lightens the load.

In the evening, I do a little "switch-off": I write down on paper what is left for the next day, then close the notebook. The list is safe, and my mind can rest.

Sleep, food, breaks: the basics that matter

Sleep

It is often the first casualty of stress, yet it is what helps us recover. Go to bed at regular times, avoid screens in the hour before bed and keep your bedroom quiet, dark and cool.

Food

When we are overwhelmed, we skip meals or snack. Try to keep three simple, varied meals, with fruit, vegetables, wholegrains and protein. Limit excess coffee, especially in the afternoon, as well as alcohol.

Supplements, in moderation

No food supplement makes stress or mental load disappear. However, if your diet is less varied during a busy period, some nutrients have a recognised role: for example, several B vitamins and vitamin C contribute to the reduction of tiredness and fatigue. Food supplements should not replace a varied and balanced diet and a healthy lifestyle. Ask a health professional if you are on medication, pregnant or breastfeeding.

When should you ask for help?

There is no shame in getting help. I recommend talking to your GP if:

• tiredness, sleep problems or irritability have lasted for several weeks;
• you feel constantly overwhelmed, with no respite;
• you are losing interest or pleasure in things you used to enjoy;
• you have physical signs that worry you (palpitations, frequent headaches, digestive problems);
• your situation at work is becoming hard to cope with.

Your GP can refer you to a psychologist if needed. At work, the occupational health doctor is another person you can talk to. And if you are going through a moment of severe distress, in France call 3114, the free national suicide prevention line available 24/7, or 15 in an emergency.

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